Official Jokes Thread

[crazzycat]

good joke tnx fro sharing

[Rondetto]

A woman goes to visit the doctor and immediately falls in love with him. They start dating, and before too long, she discovers she is pregnant. They don't know what to do.

About nine months later, just about the time she is going to give birth, a priest goes into the hospital with a severe gland infection. His stomach is completely swollen.

"I know what we'll do" says the doctor. After I've operated on the priest, I'll give the baby to him and tell him it was a miracle. "Do you think it will work?" she asks. "Its worth a try!" the doctor replies.

After the operation the doctor runs in and says "father, you won't believe this, but you gave birth to a child!" "That's impossible!" the priest cries. "I just did the operation!" says the doc. "It's a miracle! Here's your baby!"

10 years go by, and one day the priest realizes he needs to tell his son the true story. "Son, I have something to tell you" the priest says to him. "I'm not really your father."

"What do you mean, you're not my father!!" The boy yells.

"I am your mother," says the priest, shaking his head. "The archbishop is your father"

[Spiritinthesky]

Some great jokes there!

[Rondetto]

Once upon a time, there was a mighty Chief. He was the most respected man his tribe had ever known. He had battled enemies from all over the known world and beaten them all. But the Chief also had a dark secret: He could not fart.

Every night, all the warriors would sit around the dinner table telling stories, drinking, eating, and then farting and laughing out loudly. But when the farting began, the Chief was always silent.

One day, he decided he had had enough. The Chief sent his most trusted messenger to a witchdoctor to find a cure. The faithful messenger traveled over rugged mountains, across treacherous swampland, and through thick forests. Finally, a week later, he arrived at the witchdoctor's house. He banged on the door and it opened.

"BIG CHIEF, NO FART." Said the ragged messenger.

"Hmmm... I have something here for you." Replied the witchdoctor. "Here are seven pills. Give him one of these a day for a week, and he will soon be able to fart like a normal man." The messenger traveled back home and gave the pills to the anxiously waiting chief, who took them as instructed. Nothing happened. Again the messenger traveled to the witchdoctor and banged on the door.

"BIG CHIEF, NO FART!" bellowed the messenger

"Ok, calm down" replied the witchdoctor. "We'll just double the dosage. Here are fourteen pills. Give him two of these every day for a week, and it's sure to do the trick."

Again, two weeks later, there was a knock on the door. This time the messenger had brought several warriors with him, a clear sign that failure would no longer be accepted.

"BIG CHIEF, NO FART!" screamed the messenger

"OK! Here is the entire bottle. Give these to the chief. Tell him to eat these until he cannot even swallow them anymore! With a dosage like this, I guarantee you results!" said the panicked withdoctor, now afraid for his life. Satisfied, the messenger and his warriors left for home. The witchdoctor breathed a sigh of relief as the messenger and his warriors headed away.

But, amazingly, two weeks later, the witchdoctor heard a furious pounding on his door. Looking through the peephole, he saw the messenger, dressed in war gear, joined by the entire army: dressed in war paint and waving their torches and weapons in the air. Knowing it was all over, the witchdoctor slowly opened the door.

"I'm telling you!! he stammered. Those pills work! I don't know what could possibly have happened! I have used them many times before!"

The messenger just stands there, so furious that he is unable to speak.

"Please," says the witchdoctor, "tell me what happened."

Finally the messenger speaks up, gathering himself and lifting up his spear, his eyes red with rage:





"BIG FART, NO CHIEF" growls the messenger.

[Rondetto]

A guy stops to talk to a beautiful woman standing alone by a bus stop.

"Hello. I must say, you are about the most beautiful woman I have ever met."

"Thank you very much," replies the woman.

The guy quickly follows up, "I was wondering if you'd sleep with me for a million dollars?"

"A million dollars!" the girl responds. She slowly looks him up and down and then thinks for a moment and answers, "Yes, I would sleep with you for a million dollars."

"How about five bucks?" responds the guy.

"Five Bucks!" she answers indignantly. "What kind of woman do you think I am?"

"We've already determined that," he replies. "Now we're just haggling over money."

[Rondetto]

Gordon Brown was looking for a Lady of the night.
He found one such Girl in a local pub .
He said "I'm prime Minister of Great Britain , how much would it cost Me to spend some time with you?
Her reply, " Mr prime Minister , if you can get my skirt as high as our taxes , My pants as low as our wages your willy as hard as the times we're living in and keep it rising like the price of petrol, & ****** me the way you have the pensioners, than it wont cost you a cent."

[Rondetto]

A traveller pulls into a hotel around midnight and asks the clerk for a single room. As the clerk fills out the paperwork, the man looks around and sees a gorgeous blonde sitting in the lobby. He tells the clerk to wait while he disappears into the lobby. After a minute he comes back, with the girl on his arm.

"Fancy meeting my wife here," he says to the clerk. "Guess i`ll need a double room for the night"

Next morning, he comes to settle his bill, and finds the amount to be over £3000. "What`s the meaning of this?" he yells at the clerk. "I`ve only been here one night!"

"Yes," says the clerk, "but your wife has been here for three weeks,"