Official Jokes Thread

by **tom,s** on Thu Aug 02, 2007 15:50 pm

This Is Really Hot!

This is HOT! Try it!
It only takes about 30 seconds.
Don't cheat!

Think of a letter between A and W.
Repeat it out loud as you scroll down.

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Keep going!

Don't stop.....

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Think of an animal that begins with that letter.

Repeat it out loud as you scroll down.

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Keep going!

Think of a man's/woman's name
That begins with the last letter
In that animal.
Say it out loud as you scroll down.

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Almost there...

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Now count out the letters in that name
On the fingers of the hand you are
Not using to scroll down.

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Take the hand you counted with,
Smack yourself in the friggin' head,
Get a life,
And quit playing stupid damned Internet games!

by **Neil The Beaver** on Thu Aug 02, 2007 16:41 pm

Teacher to a class room full of kids, asks if they know why they have their names they do
1st kid " My name is david , i was born on st davids day"

2nd kid "my name is patrick, i was born on st patricks day"

teacher "whos next...chris"

Chris " i was born Christmas Day Miss"

Teacher " who else....how about you Pancake"

by **tom,s** on Fri Aug 03, 2007 13:03 pm

The company psychiatrist was interviewing the young blonde. As she sat in the chair, the psychiatrist asked a series of questions to determine if she was emotionally suitable for the company.

Things were not going well for the young blonde. The psychiatrist decided to try a new approach, to give the blonde one last chance.

He asked, "if you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?" The blonde quickly responded, "The living one."

by **Jackie B** on Sat Aug 04, 2007 16:19 pm

A blonde fings herself in serious trouble. Her business has gone bust and she`s in dire financial straits. She`s so desperate that she decides to ask god for help.
she begins to pray..."God, please help me. I`ve lost my business and if I don`t get some money, I`m going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lottery"
Lottery night comes, and somebody else wins.
She again prays.. "God, please let me win the lottery! I`ve lost my business, my house and I`m going to lose my car as well."
Lottery night comes and she still has no luck.
Once again, she prays... "My God, why have you forsaken me? I`ve lost my business, my house, and my car. My children are starving.
I don`t often ask you for help, and I`ve always been a good servant to you. PLEASE let me win the lottery just this one time so I can get my life back in order."
suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open. The blonde is overwhelmed by the voice of God, Himself...
"SWEETHEART, WORK WITH ME ON THIS...BUY A TICKET."

by **tom,s** on Sat Aug 04, 2007 16:34 pm

Every day, a male co-worker walks up very
close to a lady standing at the coffee
machine, inhales a big breath of air and
tells her that her hair smells nice.

After a week of this, she can't stand it
anymore, takes her complaint to a supervisor
in the personnel department and states that
she wants to write a sexual harassment
grievance against him.

The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled
by this decision and asks,

"What's sexually threatening about a co-worker
telling you your hair smells nice?"

The woman replies,

"It's Keith, the dwarf."

by **Jackie B** on Sat Aug 04, 2007 16:55 pm

Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

because if they flew over the Bay they would be Bagals

by **Jackie B** on Sat Aug 04, 2007 16:57 pm

Which Bird is always out of breath?

The Puffin

by **Jackie B** on Sat Aug 04, 2007 16:59 pm

Why could the Bicycle not stand up?

It was too tired

by **Jackie B** on Sat Aug 04, 2007 17:20 pm

A young boy has just got his driver`s license and enquired of his father, an evangelist, if they could discuss his use of the car. his father said," I`ll make a deal with you. you bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, get your hair cut and we`ll talk about the car."
Well, the boy thought about that for a moment, and decided that he`d settle for the offer, and they agreed on it,
After about six weeks they went into the study, where his father said, " Son, I`ve been real proud, You brought your grades up, and I`ve observed that you have been studying your Bible, and participating a lot more in the Bible study groups. But I`m disappointed, since you havn`t got your hair cut.2
The young man paused a moment, and then said, "You know Dad I`ve been thinking about that, and I`ve noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair, and theres even a strong argument that Jesus had long hair."
To this his father replied: " Did you also notice that they also walked everywhere they went?"

by **Jackie B** on Sat Aug 04, 2007 17:37 pm

The Boss walked into the Office one morning not knowing that his zipper was down and his fly area was wide open.
His Secretary walked up to him and said " Boss, This morning when you left your house, did you close the Garage door?"
This was not a phtase that her Boss understood, so he went into his office looking a bit puzzled.
when he was about done with his paperwork he suddenly noticed that his zipper was down, He zipped up and rembering what his secretary had told him earlier. he finally understood. He went out and asked her for a cup of coffee, having more ego than sense, he walked to her desk , smirked and asked her, " When you saw the garage door open did you see my Hummer parked in there?"
The secretary smiled for a moment and said, " No Boss I didn`t, all I saw was a mini van with 2 flat tires".